Can Sleep Now

May 4, 2007 |

Nan called me me yesterday evening. It was sort of a crisis. Mum had gone to stay with her brother in another village for a few days, and the kids were sleeping over at her aunts house, and the uncle was also off somewhere. Nan was in a situation unthinkable. She was alone at home and it was dark outside!

And that made her “think to much!”

So she called me. Now, Nan is not so difficult to cheer up. But this time we talked for an hour. And it was one of those talks where I wanted to crawl trough the phone line to just hold her, and make her feel safe.

Nan is scared about the future. The relationship with me is still new. I come over there, we do a lot of fun things, and then I leave. But there is tomorrow. Will I just pack up and leave her one day? Or simply not come back? Will I do what I have told her I will do? To come and live in the village with her to learn more about her, and to show her I am serious about our relationship?

There are no less than four “farang houses in the village”. Some of them built by farang men who could not stand life in the village. Always complaining and whinging about everything from the heat, to the food and the “boring” life style. And they just left. One or two may visit the village once a year.

Of course that could be something from me to learn from. The message is: This is not going to be easy!

Then it is the fact that she is 33 years old, and have two kids and is a widow, from Isaan, have black skin to much, not beautiful…and worked bar”. Why did I not find someone young, and sexy, with light skin, with an education who could do her bit to provide for us. A so called good girl?

All I could do was to try and answer all of those questions as best as I could. And I wanted to promise her the world right there and then just to make her happy. But I did not. All I can promise her is that with time, we can build a good life life for ourselves. And that I would stick around. I could not promise it would always be easy. That we would always be happy.

But I could promise that I would be there for her as long as she wanted me to, that I want us to be together, that I think she is beautiful, smart and caring and incredibly brave.

Nan listened. I talked. I said a lot of things to her. And she calmed down. Jokes happened and she laughed, and the world was right again. And 2 minutes after I hung up…she sent me a text:

“Thank you, can sleep now.”

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